Scaffolding..

We say things out of ear shot
(whispered phone calls in bathrooms or in socks on cold garden patios)
The emails we write but ask them to not say we have emailed.
(late at night, in the dark when they've finally told us what it really was about)
Words we tell family not to mention.
(over explaining, trying not to hurt more feelings)
Texts we send asking friends to stick to the time agreed.
(wishing we had not arranged it in the first place)

All of this we do.
Quietly.
But with so much thought.
Will they know that we said something?
Have we blown it?
This is the scaffolding.
This is the prep.
So when it doesn't look like much it is because we've worked so hard to make it look that way.
So please, when it still doesn't work, please, don't say..
"Have you tried..?"
Because we really have tried.
We've tried really really hard.